MOVIES DO NOT SOLVE PROBLEMS or.... The Adventures of the Avatards and How They Wasted Nearly Three Hours of Their Lives

On December 18, 2009 our lives changed forever.

The epic movie Avatar was released....

(cue dramatic music)

First off, I have not seen the film. Honestly at this point, I have had so much Avatar-related propaganda shoved down my throat that I could probably crap blue right now. What is absolutely infuriating me at this point is that after seeing this movie, audience members are expressing profound depression and/or suicidal thoughts. This depression is being reported as being caused by a few different reasons: A: The beauty of the fictional world Pandora is so riveting that our real world pales in comparison; B: The exploitation of an indigenous culture for economical reasons is absolutely devastating (don't worry about the Native Americans); C: These are the same people who get stirred up over any trend (see Tickle Me Elmo, 9/11, Barack Obama, going "green," or the economy) and are just waiting for the chance to be sad, depressed, melancholic, or down in the dumps. This has become such a pressing issue that blogs and threads and all sorts of Internet-related journals are being created to document all the people and their deep emotional feelings about this movie.

These links have articles regarding this new phenomenon:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Movies/01/11/avatar.movie.blues/index.html
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/news-by-industry/et-cetera/Avatar-driving-us-to-suicide-say-fans/articleshow/5436823.cms

REALLY!?!??!! A MOVIE makes you want to die? I'm curious as to how you've made it this long! Once again, I would remind you that I have not seen the movie. I have heard that the special effects are absolutely breathtaking. I would also remind you that these are special effects done by a computer. You cannot go live in this beautiful world with these giant Smurfs. You cannot fall in love with one of them like the wheelchair-bound Marine did. You cannot stop the evil military from taking what they feel is rightfully theirs. What you can do, however, is get off your pseudo-depressed duffs and go do something with your life. Go connect with someone who has real depression and real suicidal thoughts. Go start a cult, those always end well. Go to a therapist. Go see another movie and get worked up about that.